


as the storm passes, can you hold this fragile heart of mine?

by volunteer_of_hufflepuff



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Malec Secret Santa 2019, Werewolf Alec, background rizzy and jimon, mundane Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21899434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volunteer_of_hufflepuff/pseuds/volunteer_of_hufflepuff
Summary: Alec Lightwood lives a perfectly mundane life. He works for the government, lives with his sometimes exasperating siblings, and dates a perfectly normal if gorgeous man, Magnus Bane.Until he is not.Or: a mundane Alec Lightwood gets caught up in the supernatural through becoming a werewolf and discovering that his boyfriend - who may be his soulmate - has been a warlock this whole time.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 15
Kudos: 225
Collections: The Malec Secret Santa - Edition 2019





	1. bronze

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xxUSURIX](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxUSURIX/gifts).



> For usurix: Your gift, featuring soulmates, background rizzy and jimon and a mixture of fluff and (angst - mainly the, uh, supernatural stuff) with a happy ending overall, is hopefully something that you enjoy! There is also some sort of supernatural element going on here - hope the malec brings you joy!
> 
> Hope everyone enjoys this - it's a little bit different to what I normally write, but I did like writing this!

Alec and Magnus are sitting on freshly painted stools in a quaint cafe off 5th Avenue, perched above bumpy grey and blue cobblestones.

They had met five weeks ago, Magnus accompanying Izzy's boyfriend, Raphael, to her most recent dance recital as his plus one. 

He had been dressed in a burgundy coat with brass buttons and wool thick enough for the pervading chill of late winter. 

He had been enchanting, so Alec had asked him out on a date, and here they are today, on their fifth in the tentatively warm dawn of spring.

The spring sun glints against Magnus' warm brown eyes as he sips his iced coffee.

The moment dips and spins, in the sugary light of the dappled afternoon sun, before Alec next speaks.

"So what do you do for work?" Alec asks as he sips his extra-large hot chocolate in a pink and white ceramic mug. They haven't breached the topic of work yet: there is no time like the present, to sneak past the idleness of talk about blockbuster movies and books of classic literature.

Magnus hums, putting down his coffee. "Oh, this and that. Mainly I work as a consultant."

"Right," Alec says, "and how is that?"

Magnus rips open a brown paper packet and starts stirring in the sugar flakes. "Tiresome, at times - some of my clients can be particularly aggravating - but rewarding, nonetheless. It's mainly confidential, I'm afraid. What about you?"

Alec sighs, blowing on his hot chocolate. "I work for the New York government. Nothing terribly interesting, but it pays the bills and is important work, I suppose, in its own way."

Magnus stops stirring his coffee. "Don't put yourself down, Alexander, it sounds fascinating. What do you do, exactly?"

"Oh," Alec says, and wishes for a second - a mere instant - that he had chosen a more interesting major at college, despite his current comfort in his job, "I'm a crime statistics analyst."

"Should I be worried about the level of crime in New York City?" Magnus asks.

Alec laughs, shaking his head. "It's confidential."

Magnus' beautiful eyes widen. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

"I'm kidding," Alec says, "all my work is available to the public somewhere on the government's website. And nothing to note as of recent."

"Ah," Magnus replies, taking out his spoon and picking up the coffee again, tilting it towards Alec almost as if in a toast, "well, that's a relief, then."

"To us, and everyone else," Alec says as the moment heats and thickens, to another wonderful date in an imperfect world.

.

The sky is dark by the time Alec comes back to his apartment, and he can hear laughter even when he unlocks their door, which is a lovely bright magenta.

The perils of living with your siblings and their jarring colour choices.

"I'm coming in," Alec calls out as he hangs his jacket in the hallway, "so you two better not be making out in the living room again, I really don't need to see that."

When Alec turns the corner into their living room, Jace and his soulmate, Simon, are thankfully just sitting on their black leather couch and playing Mariokart.

Jace crashes off Rainbow Road and curses, before looking up at Alec. "Izzy said she'll be home from the gym in half an hour and that she'll bring dinner from that Italian place."

Alec sighs. "Will Simon be staying?"

Simon, who Alec has had the unfortunate luck to now know for two years as Jace's boyfriend and, since last year when Jace's words glowed gold, as Jace's soulmate as well, crosses the finish line with a whoop.

"Yes," Jace answers, scowling as he dives off the road again, "how was your date? Will we be meeting him soon?"

"You've already met Magnus,” Alec says, dropping down on the couch next to Jace. “So shove it.”

Alec thinks that he will let a few more weeks pass before he unleashes his siblings on Magnus, who is sweet and charming and who Alec would rather not be spooked.

Jace quietens, in some sort of weird and uncharacteristic twist of the darkening night, and crosses the finish line five minutes later as the night dissolves into another of simple mundanity.

.

Two weeks later, in the midst of April’s sunny days, Alec scowls as Izzy refuses to move from her place, sprawled on the living room’s couch.

Her head is tilted back, long black hair a tangled mess, glinting in the late afternoon sun.

Izzy’s headphones - white, with silver gems embedded, a gift from their mother two birthdays past - are in her ears, plugged into her phone.

She laughs, bright and clear, and Alec may have thought it was beautiful if he didn’t want her gone.

“Iz.” He taps her on the shoulder. “Get out.”

Her laugh is cut off. “Sorry, Raphael,” she says, before glaring at Alec. “What?”

Alec shrugs. “I would like to watch the TV. Which is in here. You are not doing anything. Therefore, please go.”

Izzy sighs, rolling her eyes. Her eyeshadow is a reddish-bronze today, the same colour Magnus was wearing in his latest Instagram post. He wonders if they've been swapping tips. “I am talking to my boyfriend, Alec.”

Alec can’t help but roll his eyes right back, asserting his dominance as the older brother. “Please, skedaddle.”

He sits down on the couch and turns on the television.

Izzy gets up with a sigh. “Fine, whatever.”

Alec puts on some TV program or other - _The Good Place_ , which Magnus had mentioned, once or twice.

The first episode opens with the declaration of soulmates, which are almost mundane in this world.

 _Soulmates,_ he thinks, and he is glad that he is alone, for a sappy smile is surely forming on his face that his siblings would tease him for. 

_Magnus has good taste_ , is what he next thinks, and he ignores the stark correlation as the show rolls on.

.

Ten weeks have passed since Alec and Magnus first met, since Alec first saw Magnus in all of his glamour and splendour: he thinks they have been on enough dates, now, to be dating, technically speaking - boyfriends, if labels must be pinned to it.

Which is terribly exciting, a joy for Alec in all honesty.

They are sitting in a secluded area of Central Park, where the leaves rustle and squirrels run about, and they are kissing, their pretzels long forgotten and cold.

Alec closes his eyes, leaning into the kiss.

Warmth spreads, it melts, rising throughout his body.

Magnus’ hand, no longer gloved because of the ever-increasing warmth of spring, rests on Alec’s cheek.

The heat rises, it deepens and spins, all in the space of one spring afternoon.

.

Summer dawns, sticky and humid.

Alec is glad that he resides inside, these days, with the rising and the setting of the sun, where there is the icy blessing of air-conditioning.

But Magnus has other ideas.

With the coming of June, they have been dating for three months.

They are getting more comfortable with each other, more relaxed and less censored in their actions and words.

Which means, in the natural order of things, Magnus decides to drag Alec outside on one burning Saturday - to swim, yes, but outside nonetheless.

"Come on," he says, pushing back his gleaming golden sunglasses, "it'll be fun."

"A crowded public pool?" Alec asks, with a deadpan look, as if Magnus' ideas are wilting like rotten fruit in this stuffy and oppressive summer heat. "Yeah, right."

Magnus' smile is blinding. "Now, who said anything about it being public?"

He pats his black Telsa, glittering in the midday scorching sunlight. "Come on."

Not for the first time, Alec wonders about what, exactly, Magnus does for a living - but Magnus' answers, whilst polite, are surface-level and thin, revealing nothing.

Magnus is wealthy, rich, loaded, whatever you want to call it, and Alec is curious to find out why.

Not for the sheer sake of curiosity - but because this is Magnus, and he is a mystery Alec wants to unravel.

Alec, still grumbling, gets into the passenger seat, pulling down his own dark sunglasses from the nearby two dollar shop so that they cover his eyes, which betray him by sparkling with mirth. "Fine."

If he didn't trust Magnus, didn't really want to get in, he wouldn't have gotten in. But that's the thing. He does trust Magnus, secretive as he is, and not just because he is stunning. Because he is polite, kind, generous and-

He is Magnus Bane, and that says it all.

So when they drive up to a secluded beach with pristine water lapping gently at the sandy shore, he smiles and jumps right in.

.

At the edge of summer’s end, Alec thinks he may be falling in love.

They lay together in golden sheets, and Magnus cuddles closer.

Alec can't help but smile, drifting back off into a blissful sleep.

Maybe.

Maybe, this is the one.

.

September dawns with a frostiness that Alec had long forgotten.

He’s reading after a tiring day at work - really, couldn’t Barbara turn up to meetings more often than once in a blue moon? - when Izzy bursts into his room.

She’s glowing.

“Alec,” she says, beaming. “I think he said them! Can you check?”

Ah. Her words.

Alec can’t say he’s surprised. Izzy and Raphael have been dating for nearly three years, longer than Jace and Simon have been. Raphael, to be fair, is a lot more guarded - he has been burned too many times, or so he says, tired of all of society’s ingrained aphobia.

“Sure,” he says, putting down his latest book. It’s a dry read, really, but so few people publish books on queer history in 13th century England - anyway.

She’s already twisted her hair into a bun.

The gold glow pierces the thin fabric of the grey shirt.

Izzy lifts it up with an unsteady hand.

“What did he say?” Alec says as he picks up the worn corner of the gauze, which is a horizontal strip of white across her back.

Izzy bites her lip. “I texted it to you.”

“Okay, cool,” Alec says, unrolling the gauze. 

The words shine bright.

_I think you are something exquisite, Isabelle Lightwood, and I don’t mind admitting it._

The tightly looped cursive burns like an ember from an eternal fire.

Alec drops the gauze, and goes to find his phone and switches it off aeroplane mode.

Magnus is oddly knowledgable about queer history, pertaining from the early 17th century or so, and is a much more eloquent narrator than this bore - so the phone had been left in his wobbly cedar cabinet to take away the temptation to talk to his boyfriend instead.

The words match, and Alec smiles, snapping a picture of Izzy’s back.

“You’re right,” he says, as Izzy turns around to face him, still glowing like the sun, “he’s the one.”

.

One’s words are terribly important.

They show the time your soulmate first meant to say _I love you_.

They are often hidden behind white gauze before they are spoken to offer privacy, to prevent misuse and abuse.

Alec’s words curl across his ribs.

He looks at Magnus’ sleeping form on Friday night and wonders.

Is this the one?

.

December comes in a flurry of rain, of crowds and frantic shopping.

Sometimes, looking out from his office window when he's on a break, Alec thinks it romantic. But he has Magnus, now, so he thinks that looking at the Christmas rush through rose-tinted glasses is permitted.

It is already dark when he finishes work with his burgundy scarf - a gift from Magnus - wrapped tightly around his neck.

The coolness still seeps in, but that is New York.

Tonight, he's going to shop with Izzy at a night market: just the two of them, in the speckled darkness that comes past dusk.

Alec curses when he looks down at his watch.

It's nearly six.

He didn't mean to stay so long at the office - but Mark had brought coffee, and it was so warm, whilst outside was so cold.

Izzy will be waiting for him.

He finishes buttoning up his brown leather gloves and zips up his bag, before slipping down a nearby side street.

It's not his favourite place, but it'll do the job and get him there quicker.

He's still thinking this when a massive grey dog runs into the street.

"Hello," he says, because he's always had a soft spot for dogs.

The dog growls.

Alec backs away. "It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you."

But the dog leaps forward, and slashes at Alec's chest with sharp silver claws.

Alec tries to push the dog away.

The dog growls, biting him instead.

It stings. His vision blurs.

Alec tries to get up. But instead, everything slides away into a soundless blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr ](https://mirrorofliterature.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/mirroroflit)
> 
> all comments and kudos are always appreciated xx
> 
> is alec okay? don't worry, this fic is already completed!


	2. silver

He wakes amongst the chaos of a hospital.

A woman with thick black hair and dark skin is in front of him in nurse's scrubs.

"Good evening, sir," she says. "I'm your nurse, Catarina Loss. Would you like anything? And your name, please?"

"Alec Lightwood." Alec shakes his head. "Thanks, but not right now."

He goes quiet, before nausea takes over him, and drifts back off into an uneasy slumber.

.

“You need to calm down.”

Catarina’s voice floats down into the ward, and Alec’s vision swims.

“I can’t.” A man’s - it sounds as if it is Magnus - voice cracks. “I can’t calm down, I knew we had to stop Russell and now.” There’s a broken sob. “Look at what’s happened - what I let happen to _Alexander_.”

It’s Magnus.

Alec can’t speak, hooked up with a million or so tubes, his tongue heavy.

 _Don’t worry_ , he wants to say, _it’s just a bad dog bite._

Instead, he falls back into a restless sleep.

.

Next time he wakes, it is morning - early dawn, the light slipping past the hastily drawn blinds.

Catarina walks in and closes the door shut.

“Alec,” she says, hesitantly. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” he replies.

Catarina nods, biting her lip. “Magnus is outside. Would you like him to come in?”

Alec frowns. He wishes that the lights were less bright. “I mean, yes, but what about my family?”

Catarina can’t seem to meet Alec’s eyes, fidgeting with the black ballpoint pen clipped to her notebook. “You can see your family, but first - first there is something we need to tell you, about your attack. Well - I’d ask you to sit down, but you’re already lying down in a bed, so.”

The door clicks open once more, and Magnus steps inside.

His face is bare of make-up except for the faintest trace of eyeliner around his eyes and his hair is hanging limp. His clothes look slept in and there’s this wild, harried look in his eyes which Alec has never seen before. In short, Magnus is a wreck, absolutely dishevelled.

“I.” Magnus gulps, unshed tears glittering in his eyes. “I don’t know where to start. Can I sit?”

Alec nods, sitting up against the white starched pillows.

Magnus sits down on a rickety white plastic chair, the farthest from Alec’s bed. “I understand if you never want to see me again, but you do have to know that I never wished you any harm.”

Alec’s ribs burn, but that’s not what really registers, in the here and now: instead he watches Magnus’ fingers twist and turn in his lap, ringless and slender.

What has Magnus done?

“I should have never started seeing you,” Magnus continues, “it was foolish of me, but it was so lovely. I forgot.” He swallows. “I forgot why I stayed away.”

Alec pulls up the blankets closer to his chest.

“The wolf that bit you was no ordinary wolf,” Magnus finally says, after a long moment of unbroken silence.

“A wolf? In inner-city New York? I thought it was a dog,” Alec cuts in, rubbing at the bandages wrapped across what seems his whole midsection.

Magnus looks up, and Alec doesn’t think he has ever seen him so shaken, so frightened. “It was a werewolf,” he whispers, “a werewolf named Russell, to be precise, but that doesn’t really matter. And - there’s a high chance that you will become a werewolf, too, in a few weeks.”

“Oh.”

He’d laugh at the absurdity of it all, but Magnus is crying, silently but heavily.

Alec wants to reach out and hug him, but he still doesn’t know if he can trust Magnus, he's acting so out of character.

“All the legends,” Magnus says with a cracked voice, “are true.”

Alec doesn’t understand, lying there still in shock.

“I’m sorry.” Magnus stands up, the scrape of his chair echoing across the room. “I can’t - I can’t do this.”

He runs out of the room and Alec looks, wide-eyed, at Catarina.

Catarina sighs, putting down her notebook. “It’s hard for him.”

“How do you know Magnus?” 

Catarina smiles, but it is brittle. “I’m his best friend. I know he hasn’t told you much because he wanted to protect you, but that’s all null and void now, I’m afraid.”

She closes the door again.

“The thing is, both Magnus and I - we’re not exactly human, either.”

The world halts, stops spinning on its axis for a precarious second.

“We’re warlocks.”

.

Catarina talks, explaining this hidden Shadow World which Alec is now irreversibly part of, and Alec blinks blearily at her.

Not in disbelief, no, or shock - just in a kind of a weary realisation, like some sort of flimsy tarp is finally being removed and the world is becoming so much more clear and vivid.

Magnus’ reluctance to share anything remotely private. The malicious - malevolent, even - intent in the wolf's green eyes as it bit him.

Everything he has ever thought as true - it’s false, isn’t it?

He’s lived in a web of lies - a false reality, a fabrication, for all of his life, and now is to be roughly pulled out into an even harsher reality than the one he thought he knew.

"But I'm a warlock," Catarina finishes her explanation with, in a roundabout kind of way, "so I'm not the best person to explain the intricacies of being a werewolf. I-"

Alec holds out his hand. "Thank you, Catarina, for the detailed explanation, but I would like to rest now."

Catarina nods, and leaves the room.

Alec doesn't know what to think, how to feel.

He falls into an uneasy sleep, and dreams of red flashing lights and the cracking of bones.

.

It is late evening when he wakes, and Max, Maryse, Jace and Izzy are all already there.

"Alec, honey," Maryse says, who is standing at his bedside and absentmindedly running her fingers through his limp hair, "how are you feeling?"

Alec tries to sit up, but it's pointless - he's too tired, so he simply slumps down further instead. "A bit rough," he admits, though he wishes he could draw the curtains around himself, hide his weakness from his siblings, protect them from all the horrors of the world even though they are all now adults. "Not going to lie, that wolf took me by surprise."

Izzy, who Alec can't help but note is not wearing any make-up, gasps. "A wolf? In central Manhattan?"

Alec laughs, though it is weary and strained. "I was surprised too. Sorry about missing our appointment, by the way."

Izzy shakes her head, taking one of his hands and rubbing circles into it, her crimson nail polish chipped. "Don't apologise, Alec. We're just glad that you're okay."

Alec thinks about how he may be a werewolf. 

How Magnus up and left. 

Okay? Maybe physically, if that. 

But his family has already fretted too much, so instead, he simply nods and lets their chatter sweep his thoughts away to a happier place.

.

The next day, a young woman wearing a studded leather jacket visits him.

Catarina closes the door. “This is Maia Roberts, the head of the New York werewolf pack.”

Maia's eyes flash green. "Alexander Lightwood, is it?"

Alec slowly sits up. "I prefer Alec, but yeah."

Maia sits down on the rickety chair Magnus had abandoned the previous day. "If you are a werewolf, you can come to my pack. There's about twenty of us, and we live down by the docks."

"Thank you for the offer - can I keep my job?" he asks. "I live with my siblings - do I have to leave?"

Maia sighs, rubbing her fingers together absentmindedly. "It's a bit complex. Not an outright no, like it would be if you had become a vampire - burning up whenever the sun touches you is a little obvious - but it's not easy, mixing these two worlds."

"Do you still keep in touch with your family?"

Maia stiffens. "No, but that's more on them then my transformation."

Alec nods. "Okay. Am I allowed to tell them?"

Not telling Jace, Izzy, Max or his mum isn't really an option for him - but, he would rather not be dragged up before some supernatural law court.

Maia shrugs. Her burgundy boots clack against the grey speckled linoleum floor. "You can if you want."

Alec sighs, and listens half-heartedly to a complex discussion of werewolf politics and abilities.

She is nearly finished when she reaches the topic of soulmates.

"You are allowed to tell your soulmate about the Shadow World," she says.

The scars on her neck are silver. He wonders if they cover up her words.

"Though," she continues, with an all too casual shrug, "they are often a member of the Shadow World themselves."

Alec nods.

And tries to not think of the burning of his ribs when he last saw Magnus, and what it all may mean for a man who seemed terrified of everything since the events of yesterday. 

A man who Alec may, despite all of this wretched secrecy, be in love with.

.

After Maia leaves, Alec stares at the ceiling.

"All this secrecy - is that why Magnus didn't tell me he's a warlock when I was a mundane?"

Catarina takes away his tray. "Partially. It's frowned upon, dating a mundane."

"Oh," Alec says, trying with little success to ignore his own rising disappointment.

He's had many shocks on the last 24 hours, but the biggest so far has been Magnus walking out, and not coming back.

.

He's discharged three days later, just in time for New Year's Eve.

He still hasn't seen Magnus, not since that harrowing day when everything changed.

Jace picks him up, in the rambleshackle vehicle otherwise known as Simon's yellow graffitied truck, with a resounding thumping hug, worry lingering in his blue brown eyes.

Alec's scars are now a thin silvery red, hidden under his many layers of thick winter clothes forced onto him by his mother.

Catarina said that's a sign of being a werewolf - healing too fast to be human.

Alec shudders in the back of the truck.

"Do you need anything?" Jace asks as they turn into the highway. At this time of night, the orange lights are glowing, their shine reflected on the road wet with winter's rain.

"No," Alec says, "but thank you."

He can't be a burden on his family.

He can't.

.

When he gets home, Izzy, Max and Maryse are all waiting for him.

Izzy is the first to hug him in greeting - she's barefoot, and her naked nails strike Alec as odd - her hair loose and curly.

"Missed you," she says into his chest.

Alec pulls her closer. "Missed you too."

He lifts one hand and waves everyone else over. "Come on, I'm not fragile."

Maryse hugs him from behind, burying her head into his hair and stifling her sobs.

"Mum, I'm okay," Alec says.

Maryse rubs his neck, almost as if she is checking for a pulse. "Honey, I know - but seeing you in that hospital bed was absolutely dreadful."

"I'll try to avoid it in the future." Alec sighs, closing his eyes. "There's something I need to tell you all. But it won't be easy."

He sighs, disentangling himself from his family. 

"We love you," Jace says, in a rare moment of vulnerability, "through thick and thin."

"Thank you," Alec says, "but be careful what you promise, for I might be a werewolf."

He says it firmly, decisively, looking directly at his family 

Maryse is the first one to speak. "If you are to become a werewolf," she says, because of course, she believes him without hesitation, "then we will be with you every step of the way."

A smile, small and a little cracked, creeps onto Alec's face. "Just not on the full moon," he says.

The relief is euphoric.

And then, it's like the breaking of a wave: everyone crashes in to hug him again, with reassuring whispers and declarations of love.

Alec closes his eyes.

Maybe - maybe this isn't the end of the world, and his life can continue on, imperfect as it is.

If only one other person was here - he may even call this a rare moment of perfection.

.

When Alec wakes up the next morning with the bird calls of dawn, he unwraps the gauze covering his soulmark because it is burning - has been burning, since his worldview was skewed into a vastly different trajectory, and this is his first moment of true privacy.

He hasn't looked at it in ages.

And now, it glows gold.

_I understand if you never want to see me again, but you do have to know that I never wished you any harm._

Alec texts Magnus right away.

_we need to talk._

Hours pass, and night falls.

There is no response, and he falls asleep alone.

.

Luke Garroway is a tall, muscular man.

He is wearing a sky blue button-down shirt with navy suspenders and a police badge is clipped to his cloud patterned tie.

He doesn't look like a former werewolf alpha. Instead, Luke looks like a total and utter dad. His hair is starting to grey at the edges and he has this ease of talking, of being.

But he is here to take care of Alec if a transformation does befall him. And if need be, he can turn into a wolf and control Alec that way, and lessen the blow of what may be a harrowing night.

If he turns, but it feels like a guaranteed certainty at this point in time.

It has been three weeks since he was bitten, and he still hasn't seen Magnus or heard from him since that dreadful morning.

His heart aches.

Alec doesn't blame Magnus for what happened - a rogue werewolf bit him, randomly, on his way home from work through a shady shortcut - but he knows Magnus, maybe loves Magnus, and knows that Magnus blames himself.

The shackles on his hands are rubbing his wrists raw.

It's quiet, the dust motes settling in the dark blue evening light.

It has been a waiting game so far, words and pitying glances.

But tonight, those words will be tested.

"Stay calm, son," Luke says, breaking the stillness of the deepening night. "It's not as painful as the movies would make you think, and I won't let anything bad happen to you or because of you if you do become a werewolf, trapped in a vulnerable state."

"Thanks," Alec says. "Um, I was wondering, do you know Magnus Bane?"

Luke nods, in his fatherly and reassuring manner. "Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn? Hard to miss. He's a great guy. Why'd you ask?"

"Um." Alec bites his lip. "Well, he is - or was, I guess, I don't know, my boyfriend, before this whole debacle, and I'd like to get in touch with him, but he's been avoiding me."

Luke sighs, shaking his head and rubbing his beard flecked with grey. "Sounds like Magnus," he replies, and he sounds so weary, so bone-deep tired. "I'll try to get through to him, but no guarantees. I'm not the alpha anymore."

Alec half-smiles. "Thanks," he says, blinking, trying to not let the tears fall, "I miss him."

"It's a complex situation," Luke says, as the moon's first rays slide through the dusty window and Alec grits his teeth in pain. "Alright. Stay calm. I'll take care of you."

Alec's world creaks. Tilts.

It explodes, until the darkness of oblivion wrought on by agony befalls him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr ](https://mirrorofliterature.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/mirroroflit)
> 
> all comments and kudos are always appreciated xx


	3. gold

When Alec wakes the next day, he is weary, and his muscles ache.

Luke is gone.

He must have had to leave for work.

Someone has placed a thick grey and blue blanket on top of him, keeping him warm as the midday sun, a slither of warmth amongst the ever present coolness of winter, filters into the room through the one lone window.

Still, Alec shivers. It is mid-January, and last night the full moon rose.

He is a werewolf.

And there are no ifs or buts or maybes, not anymore, not after this first tiresome transformation on a frigid winter night.

What is to be done now, with this now certain eternal bleakness? The world of before torn out of his reach, and the world of the future one clouded with instability.

Alec sits up, letting the blanket pool at his waist, the rumbling of a nearby heater filling the room. 

If he had any energy left, he may have gasped when he notices the person sitting on the nearby wooden chair with peeling blue paint.

But as it is, he blinks, and that is to be enough.

"Magnus?" he croaks.

Magnus is dressed in a ruffled but close-cut burgundy suit, with tiny golden buttons shining in the weak winter light.

Magnus nods, and he looks as afraid as he did those three weeks ago, when Alec woke with poison in his blood.

"Where have you been?" Alec continues, his voice cracking.

Magnus waves his hand - a flurry of icy blue sparks, and then a glass of water materialises into the silent place, which he hands to Alec. "Here."

Alec accepts it with trembling fingers. "I've missed you, Magnus."

"I've missed you too," Magnus says, with downcast eyes which are devoid of his former confidence and flirtations. "I have been busy - Russell has been imprisoned, and it took a while to clean it all up."

"Three weeks, Magnus?" Alec asks. "Did it take that long?"

Magnus flinches.

"I'm scared, Magnus. I don't blame you for what happened. It's not your fault. But I want you to be here."

Magnus looks up. For once, his face is bare of make-up, and his hair lies flat.

"I put you in a dangerous position by dating you," he says, restlessly rubbing together his ringless fingers with chipped copper nail polish. "As a powerful figure of the New York Downworld community, people look at cruel ways to manipulate me. And you, as a mundane, so vulnerable-"

"I can look after myself," Alec cuts in, "and you cannot hold yourself responsible for the actions of others."

Magnus sighs. "I know this - rationally, but irrationally all I can think of is a world where you are dead, or here and now, where you must resent me."

"I don't resent you," Alec says, his voice softening. "I could never resent you."

 _I love you_ , is what he thinks. _Please don't make me live without you. I couldn't bear it._

Magnus' hand moves to his side. "Oh," he replies. "I - can I still see you?"

"I would very much like to continue dating you," Alec says. "I care for you immensely, and would love for my entry into this new world to be by your side."

"Okay," Magnus says, softly. "Okay, Alexander. Text me when you want to next meet up. I." He blinks back tears. "Thank you, for not leaving me now that the truth has been so callously revealed."

"Please don't thank me, when it is a blessing to be with you," Alec says, as exhaustion takes him over once more, "and I'll see you soon."

There is the rustle of clothes, and then silence.

.

When he gets back home, a fortnight after his transformation, to a meal cooked by Jace - spaghetti and bolognese - some of his life has resumed to some semblance of normality.

Simon - of course, Simon is here, he may as well live here by now, as attached to Jace as he is - is sitting at the table and chatting to Raphael. 

Simon, who lives with his best friend Clary Fray, who happens to be the daughter of werewolf Luke Garroway.

So much entanglement in the Shadow World, that he now knows of it. Luke has been like a dad to Simon - and now, three more mundanes know because of one bite.

And he's nagging Raphael, who, as it happens, is the head of the New York Vampire Clan.

It has been a time of revelations.

Izzy had reassured him that Raphael had told her that he was a vampire about six months after they had started dating: not the full complexities of everything, but somethings that couldn't be very well explained away.

As Catarina had so aptly put, vampirism is a hard trait to fully conceal, more so than magic running through your veins or sleepless full moons.

Raphael is scowling, faced with Simon's nattering as he is. Looping around his wrist are Izzy's words shining in silver: _I love you, and I don't care about the rest_.

Alec hangs up his coat next to four others.

He's invited Magnus to tonight's dinner: and it is to be an interesting one, no one having to hide anything.

Well, except for the words burning underneath his shirt.

The words have glowed gold for nearly a month now, yet Alec is still filled with this strange apprehension of confrontation.

They haven't met since the day Alec had woken up definitively a werewolf, a member of the Downworld.

Soulmates. What a strange, fate driven concept. 

You would think that it would make things easier, more clear-cut and definite, not more complex.

The doorbell rings.

Alec walks to the door and opens it. It's Magnus - of course it is Magnus, with his silk blue scarf wrapped around his neck and an expensive bottle of champagne in his hand - and he steps in and hugs Alec tightly.

"I've missed you," Magnus mumbles against the crook of Alec's neck.

Alec knows that they are cloaked in darkness, that no one is watching him, so he holds on tighter. "I've missed you too."

His heart aches, and he wants to kiss Magnus, hug him until the end of time, but.

His siblings insist on some sort of social presence and engagement from him, sometimes, and unfortunately tonight is one of those times.

"Right," Alec says, as he reluctantly pulls away and takes the bottle of champagne off Magnus. "Let's go."

Alec can't help but grab, hold on tightly to Magnus' hand.

He's here, and he's not going away.

They walk into the teasing joviality of his family, maybe their family.

Raphael and Magnus have been best friends for decades: for Alec, it is his siblings and their soulmates.

And his, too. Maybe.

Maybe, tonight is the night when everything will finally fall into place.

.

After dinner, after the chatter and endless ribbing has passed, Magnus tugs Alec to the side.

"Um," Magnus says, biting his lip, "Alexander, could we please talk somewhere private?"

Alec nods, stifling the urge to ruffle his hair which he let Jace, for some God-forsaken reason, gel to the high heavens this morning. "Sure."

He's already scrubbed his room down in anticipation and nerves, the navy blue sheets uncrinkled and his mirror shining.

It's not like this is the first time Magnus has come into his home, into his room - they have been dating for ten or so months. But it has been around a month since that terrible night, and Alec feels rough and raw - exposed to a thorough and brutal scrutiny as if his scaffolding, his skeleton, is now on display to the world.

Magnus is a kind man. A generous man.

But. Soulmates are a finicky, touchy business, even for someone as compassionate as Magnus Bane.

They are intimate, revealing. Once the bond settles and sets, it is said that emotions of the other can be felt, experienced fully and boundlessly.

They are both guarded men, with layers hiding their hearts: even in a normal situation, this is not an easy task.

But this is far from a normal situation - he is a werewolf, now, and Magnus is a centuries-old warlock.

"Sit down," Alec says, gesturing vaguely in the direction of his too neatly done up bed. 

Magnus sits, almost delicately as if he is afraid of taking up too much space, on Alec's bed.

Alec sits on his desk chair and pulls his grey woollen blanket onto his lap, so he can twist it in his fingers and do anything but think of what is to happen, in a few short seconds.

"So," Magnus says. He starts to pull off his jumper, then stops. "May I?"

Alec tries not to stare, to not second guess. "Sure."

Magnus carefully pulls off his dark blue jumper threaded with silver, then starts to unbutton his shirt.

This isn't the first time that Alec has seen Magnus undress. But it is the first time that it has been so fraught with nerves, so full of uncertainty and fragility.

Words, where there had been none before, now curl in sparkling golden glory across Magnus' chest.

"Oh," Alec says, softly. He's not surprised, exactly, but he is scared. Scared that Magnus doesn't want him anymore, that this is his gentle way of letting him down.

Feelings can change, in particular after the whirlwind of a month they have had.

Alec reads _I don't resent you, I could never resent you_ and wishes he could carve his heart out.

One thing he's never liked about soulmarks: they can betray your feelings before you're ready to confront them - to even acknowledge their mere existence, sometimes.

Alec cannot bring himself to meet Magnus' eyes, and pulls the blanket further up his chest.

He's never felt more exposed.

"Well," Alec says, swallowing, "they're true, Magnus. I - I do love you, Magnus, most ardently, but-"

"But what?" Magnus cuts him off. "But what, Alexander?" His voice softens. "I love you, too. Isn't that enough?"

Alec sighs. "I hope." He takes off his own jumper and shirt, carefully with fingers that yearn to shake and tremble but somehow stay steady, twisting to the side so that Magnus can read the glittering words. "We're soulmates, aren't we?"

Magnus looks at him with shimmering eyes. Tears sit in them, but they do not fall. There's a slip, a blur, and the familiar warm brown eyes are replaced by gleaming golden cat eyes. "Are we?"

There's such hesitancy, such apprehension and hope in his voice.

Everything is so complex, so uncertain.

But maybe this doesn't have to be.

Alec gets up. Walks a few steps. Sits down almost on top of Magnus.

He tugs Magnus towards him, runs his hands through Magnus' hair. "I think so, soulmate."

"Oh God," Magnus say, putting his hand on Alec's shoulder, idly tracing circles with his fingers, "I hope so, Alexander, I really do hope so. I love you so much."

"I love you too." There is no other answer that Alec could have given. "Magnus, your eyes."

Magnus leans back, almost as if he is ashamed. "What about them?"

Alec can't help but stare, enraptured by their beauty. "They're gold."

Magnus takes his hand off. Turns to the side. "I'm sorry you have to see them," he says, his voice now muffled, "they're my warlock mark - I lost control."

"Don't apologise," Alec says, "they're beautiful, Magnus. You're beautiful. There is nothing ugly about you."

Magnus looks back up, and Alec swallows.

Magnus looks so vulnerable now, but evermore so trusting and willing to place his heart etched from diamonds into Alec's earnest but scarred hands.

"I love you, no matter what," Alec says, because if there is one thing he will do, again and again, is forevermore remind Magnus how much he is loved.

Magnus' hand cups Alec's cheek. "Thank you, Alexander." He meets Alec's gaze with his eyes still unglamoured. "I love you - unconditionally."

Then Magnus pulls him in.

A blink, a second of hesitation.

And then they are kissing, like it is the most natural thing in the world.

.

Alec slips back into the freezing office on the top floor of the red and brown brick building, and it is like he never left.

His boss - Lucy, a middle-aged woman with thick spectacles and wiry blonde hair streaked with grey - nods when she spots him.

"It's good to have you back, Alec," she says, "Mark had to pick up a few of your time-sensitive projects, but other than that, business as usual."

Alec nods, placing his coffee down on his desk next to Coralie, whose manicured nails tapping on the keyboard will be a welcome reminder that his life is normal, as normal as it can be as a 21st-century werewolf dating an immortal warlock.

Time to take back some blessed mundanity.

.

Spring comes again in a flurry of new growth, of new life, of rejuvenation and sunshine.

A year has passed since he last sat at this café with his beloved: the chalkboard out front is now navy blue, and the cobblestones are somewhat more crowded.

The same waitress with auburn hair places his hot chocolate in front of him, laden with white and pink marshmallows.

"Thank you," Alec says, unlinking his and Magnus' hands.

Their silver rings glitter in the late afternoon sun.

Magnus smiles, sipping his own black coffee. "Love, do you need some hot chocolate with your marshmallows?"

"I'm fine," Alec says, "it's enough, you need to appreciate marshmallows more."

"Hm," Magnus replies, "if you say so, fiancé."

"Of course." Alec puts down his cup and links their hands together. "Why wouldn't I?"

Magnus' smile broadens, like the golden yellow rays of the sun on a perfect day. "Aren't you sweet enough?"

Alec can't help but smile when Magnus' other hand curves around his neck and pulls him in for a kiss.

Magnus may taste like black coffee, but he is Alec's soulmate.

More than that, he is Magnus Bane, Alec's love - forevermore, until everything fades away into oblivion.

Their kiss deepens, and Alec sighs, his mark tingling with pleasure.

Come sunshine or rain, mundanity or the crazy world of the supernatural, they are to be immortal lovers.

Alec Lightwood loves Magnus Bane.

And he wouldn't have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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